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Independent
An independent person will not rely on you to take care of them or keep them happy and occupied. An independent person wants you rather than needs you. They won't be clingy or demanding of your time.
Someone who requires constant attention and reassurance could make marriage more difficult. An independent person is strong, confident, and not afraid to be alone. An independent person is:
Independence ensures that each partner is capable of taking care of themselves. However, they are also able to give and ask for support when it is needed. People who are able to take care of themselves are also in a better position to give care, attention, and support when you need it.
Understand that some interdependency is healthy.1 Ideally, each person can fully function on their own. However, they also know how to reach for each other when they need emotional support.
Level-Headed
Look for a person who remains reasonably calm in stressful situations—someone who is not frustrated by every minor issue. This does not mean they will never get upset, but they have the strength and maturity to manage their emotions.2 A level-headed person:
Emotional regulation and availability are also important.3 Part of being a good partner involves sharing things about yourself and listening and learning more about your partner. This emotional give-and-take helps foster a deeper, more intimate connection between two people. A good partner is one who is willing to be open and share emotions in a steady, level-headed way.
This quality also plays a key role in communication, which is essential in any good relationship.4 A calm attitude allows people to approach conflicts in a way that leads to productive solutions that make relationships stronger and more successful. Rather than butting heads over issues and leaving problems to fester, healthy communication promotes resolutions that help both partners feel happier.
You should also feel that they are a good resource for times when you might be under stress. You can count on their abilities, intelligence, and advice when you can’t count on your own.
Thoughtful
A great partner is someone who thinks not only of you but of others as well. Pay attention to how they treat the people in their lives, from their peers to their parents to the people they encounter in everyday life.
It's great if they treat the people they are close to well—but how they treat casual acquaintances and strangers also reveals a lot about a person's character. A thoughtful partner:
Research suggests that having a partner who is kind, gentle, and understanding is linked to lower marital conflict and higher marital satisfaction.5
Look for a partner who treats others the way that they want to be treated. A person who has a kind character is more likely to treat you with care and respect.
A partner who is thoughtful, empathetic, and compassionate is more likely to take the time to try and understand how other people are feeling. They are more likely to care and to try to take action to resolve problems in a relationship. Beyond that, they are going to be more pleasant to be around in the long term.
Supportive
A partner who supports your personal and career goals understands that not everything in your marriage will be about them, or even about you as a couple.6 You both will have individual goals, and they will be by your side cheering on your efforts. They won't feel threatened by the time and energy you put into achieving your goals because they will have their own. A supportive partner:
It's important that your individual goals and your partner's complement each other. While they certainly don't need to be the same, they should not be so divergent as to cause a rift between you.
Self-Confident
Whether they are standing up to you, a family member, or a friend, you want a partner who will not let people treat them badly. If they accept poor treatment from you or others, eventually you may lose respect for them. A self-confident partner:
A person who stands up for themselves has self-confidence and will not let anyone bully them, talk down to them, or act as though their opinions don't matter.
A Word From Verywell
While having these qualities is not a guarantee that a person will be a great spouse, these characteristics are a great place to start. When it comes to looking for someone who is marriage material, think about the things that are most important to you, including your values and goals, and pay attention to whether your potential partners possess those qualities. Choosing the right person—and being a good partner yourself—is critical for a lasting relationship and long-term satisfaction.
An independent person will not rely on you to take care of them or keep them happy and occupied. An independent person wants you rather than needs you. They won't be clingy or demanding of your time.
Someone who requires constant attention and reassurance could make marriage more difficult. An independent person is strong, confident, and not afraid to be alone. An independent person is:
- Able to plan for the future
- Able to say no
- Able to value themselves
- Aware of what makes them happy
- Capable of being alone
- Financially stable
- Goal-oriented
Independence ensures that each partner is capable of taking care of themselves. However, they are also able to give and ask for support when it is needed. People who are able to take care of themselves are also in a better position to give care, attention, and support when you need it.
Understand that some interdependency is healthy.1 Ideally, each person can fully function on their own. However, they also know how to reach for each other when they need emotional support.
Level-Headed
Look for a person who remains reasonably calm in stressful situations—someone who is not frustrated by every minor issue. This does not mean they will never get upset, but they have the strength and maturity to manage their emotions.2 A level-headed person:
- Approaches decisions in a rational, reasonable way
- Considers other people's points of view
- Has an optimistic but realistic attitude
- Learns from their experiences
- Listens to what other people have to say
- Manages and expresses their emotions effectively
- Stays calm in emotionally charged situations
- Thinks about things before taking action
Emotional regulation and availability are also important.3 Part of being a good partner involves sharing things about yourself and listening and learning more about your partner. This emotional give-and-take helps foster a deeper, more intimate connection between two people. A good partner is one who is willing to be open and share emotions in a steady, level-headed way.
This quality also plays a key role in communication, which is essential in any good relationship.4 A calm attitude allows people to approach conflicts in a way that leads to productive solutions that make relationships stronger and more successful. Rather than butting heads over issues and leaving problems to fester, healthy communication promotes resolutions that help both partners feel happier.
You should also feel that they are a good resource for times when you might be under stress. You can count on their abilities, intelligence, and advice when you can’t count on your own.
Thoughtful
A great partner is someone who thinks not only of you but of others as well. Pay attention to how they treat the people in their lives, from their peers to their parents to the people they encounter in everyday life.
It's great if they treat the people they are close to well—but how they treat casual acquaintances and strangers also reveals a lot about a person's character. A thoughtful partner:
- Does not make judgmental comments about others
- Gives genuine compliments
- Is patient with service people, including waiters and cashiers
- Shows their appreciation for others
- Stays in touch with the people they care about
- Thinks about how others are feeling
Research suggests that having a partner who is kind, gentle, and understanding is linked to lower marital conflict and higher marital satisfaction.5
Look for a partner who treats others the way that they want to be treated. A person who has a kind character is more likely to treat you with care and respect.
A partner who is thoughtful, empathetic, and compassionate is more likely to take the time to try and understand how other people are feeling. They are more likely to care and to try to take action to resolve problems in a relationship. Beyond that, they are going to be more pleasant to be around in the long term.
Supportive
A partner who supports your personal and career goals understands that not everything in your marriage will be about them, or even about you as a couple.6 You both will have individual goals, and they will be by your side cheering on your efforts. They won't feel threatened by the time and energy you put into achieving your goals because they will have their own. A supportive partner:
- Comforts you when you are upset
- Encourages you to pursue your dreams
- Lets you know that they are thinking about you
- Lets you know that they are proud of you
- Listens to and gives support to what you are feeling
- Wants to know how they can help you
- Wants to know what you are excited about
It's important that your individual goals and your partner's complement each other. While they certainly don't need to be the same, they should not be so divergent as to cause a rift between you.
Self-Confident
Whether they are standing up to you, a family member, or a friend, you want a partner who will not let people treat them badly. If they accept poor treatment from you or others, eventually you may lose respect for them. A self-confident partner:
- Is not intimidated by their partner's success
- Knows their strengths
- Keeps working even when faced with obstacles
- Makes decisions easily
- Supports and celebrates others
A person who stands up for themselves has self-confidence and will not let anyone bully them, talk down to them, or act as though their opinions don't matter.
A Word From Verywell
While having these qualities is not a guarantee that a person will be a great spouse, these characteristics are a great place to start. When it comes to looking for someone who is marriage material, think about the things that are most important to you, including your values and goals, and pay attention to whether your potential partners possess those qualities. Choosing the right person—and being a good partner yourself—is critical for a lasting relationship and long-term satisfaction.
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