Cheating Is It Forgivable?

[FREE ARIZONA RB-1070]

This is kind of funny topic to talk about on Escort board, but here it goes. If you know your SO cheated on you, would you forgive her/him?

 

[Walking with Prince Jesus]

yah good for the goose then good for the gander

 

[paja]

what is cheating?

If having sex with someone else except your constant SO is called cheating I'd better say that it is silly, rather than unforgivable or forgivable.

Cheating becomes real cheating and real betrayal only when it is contrary to what people are telling each other. if your wife swears every night that you are her "one and only", and you are naive enough to believe in that, and one day you find out that she fucks with someone else - it is cheating. but again, to my mind it is just the problem of being naive. But if two people openly tell each other that they see nothing wrong in sex with other people, and build their relations based on that origin, they hardly ever face a problem that called cheating as easy as that.

Just my .02

 

[everobin2000]

HMMMM, well since I don't repeat often, NOPE it's not cheating. I DON'T care what anyone says, in my mind it's not cheating! I also am very fair, if my SO would like to have an affair with another woman, she would have my blessing and full support. I would even be as gracious as to allow her to bring her home and use our bed.

 

[Me and My Friends!]

Ditto

 

[smilez]

In my opinion it's wrong, but it depends on the situation if it's forgivable. If you hurt someone, shouldn't there be an apology first?

If we agree it's okay to see other people it isn't cheating.

 

[Nathan C]

Damn hell yes, I would be hurt but so would my babe if she ever catches me.

 

[Navy ACC]

Double standards anyone?

 

[Iceman]

Has anyone ever caught their SO cheating or have you ever been caught?.

 

[archnew2]

View attachment 1032

 

[nicepuddin]

I think it depends a lot on the expectation of monogamy, and if it's an affair of the heart or an affair of the loins. If I'm 'just dating' I'm not going to throw a hissey fit if I find out she's doing the same. If two people enter into a monogamous relationship of their own free will, I think they should make a good faith effort to be monogamous, or to work out an acceptable alternative to monogamy amongst themselves. Assuming a person has made a good faith effort to be monogamous, and a person has made a good faith effort to avoid 'sexual death', given the potential repercussions (particularly for men) I don't have a huge problem with people who end up having to cater to the needs of their loins via a pro or a no strings fling. What I do have a problem with are people who enter into monogamy who have no good faith intentions (or make no effort) to be monogamous, or people who conduct torrid affairs of the heart while going home to somebody else...

 

[Madison]

Bravo!!!

 

[Becky D]

I'm a bad example for answering this question, as I tell my SO he can sleep with all the women he likes, as long as I'm "First Wife". :happy: (yay attractive emoticons!)

However there was a time this was not the case, and with this previous SO, I did find out he was having an affair. Did I care? I was shocked to realize I did not.

Ultimately, I don't care what my partner does with other people. I care how they treat me directly.

I think most of the hurt regarding "cheating" comes from the misleading concept that love is finite and that sex and love have something to do with each other, when in fact they merely complement each other wonderfully. Most believe that if our partner is willing to be physically intimate with someone else they don't love us, when in reality seeking that physical intimacy outside the monogamous relationship is rarely a question of love.

A great deal of anger comes from feeling publicly humiliated or shamed by others who will judge us because our partners aren't faithful. There is a social stigma that says that somehow they failed as a wife or husband. Too often "cheating" is seen as a result of failure, when those perfectly happy in their relationships get wanderlust. There are many who still sincerely love their partners, but also enjoy, and to some extent genuinely need, interaction with others.

Ultimately, we are only trying to find pleasure and happiness to enrich in our short lives. For different people, this means taking different paths. But I do believe that in a world where people could be honest and count on understanding, most would choose honesty.

I sincerely believe there would be much less dishonesty in a world where divorce laws couldn't be used to abuse the partner. If partners (men or women) knew they could walk away from a relationship with a fair deal, and not have their spouse use the courts to abuse them and drag out the suffering, most would probably end things when they realized they couldn't keep their promise of monogamy. I really don't believe men or women should feel guilty when they stray, though they should be aware of possible consequences and be willing to face the music should everything come to light. Never risk what you aren't willing to lose.

There are two basic reasons romantic partners stray; either, the relationship is lacking in key aspects and they're in too deep to walk away; or, they realize polyamorous inclinations exist long after they were married. I believe that people in unfulfilling relationships like these would like to start with a clean slate, being honest with themselves and their partners.

However, we live in a world built to favour monogamy and normalize it, and one that makes ending a marriage excruciating to deter such action. If marriage is an institution and not about love, then I believe it should be treated as such. People naturally drift into monogamous relationships because they think that's the formula for life. Monogamy is viewed as the only proper course and people don't see any other real viable option for their life.

There is no doubt in my mind some individuals are fully capable of carrying out a faithful relationship, utterly uninterested in anyone but their partner, while others are simply instinctively territorial with their mate. Others let monogamy become about exercising power - interestingly I think women are most often guilty of this.

In my experience this is not the most widespread view. Most good people are complex, and there are many reasons why we live our lives the way we do. If people willing to have multiple encounters and engagements could find others they could be honest with, I believe many people would choose that path. In a world where having multiple partners was viewed to be as normal as monogamy, those prone to different lifestyle choices likely wouldn't even make a first, traditional date.

However, in this world, it's hard to find each other. The world has plenty of resources to help married couples succeed, but shockingly little is offered to those seeking an independent or poly-amorous lifestyle. They are told again and again that they are incapable of love, they haven't matured or there's something wrong with them.

 

[justmeinthisworld]

:he:

 

[Dr House farted.]

Ok, I think this thread has gone off the rails a bit.

You have to assume that since the OP has brought up the word "cheating" that he or the example given is in a monogamous relationship. Otherwise, if you're in an open relationship, then it isn't cheating.

Now to answer the question posed, it would depend on a few factors.
Was this a one time thing? (not a relationship, just a fuck)
Was it situational? (was I away on business for months? Did she go out with her gfs, got drunk and slipped?)
How long have we been together? (short term, long term, marriage, kids etc).

My immediate response would be no. Once the "trust" is broken, you dont' get it back.

I think it all depends on the woman too. I dated a very very hot, very popular woman for 5 yrs and it was a concern because not only was she constantly bombarded with men hitting on her (waitress) but she wasn't the strongest person either. She constantly needed reassurance that she was hot and if I missed an oppurtunity to compliment her, hell would break loose. I kind of expected her to cheat frankly.

Did she cheat with me on someone? (ie: was she involved with someone when she met me?) Once a cheater always a cheater. I always laugh when one of my player buddies, meets a chick while he's dating someone else, leaves his gf for this new one, and the new one says "he'll never do that to me..." lol...yeah OK and I have some land in florida to sell you and how about a bridge? wanna buy a bridge?

 

[red top]

This happened to Mrs. CG a few times... but each time it was with another woman, and since I have no problem with this and actually encourage that sorta thing (with other women), neither of us consider that "cheating" since there is full disclosure and my blessing given. :he:

So to answer the question "What is cheating?"... the only person to know the answer is your SO... if he or she thinks it is cheating then it is.

 

[Apple Pi]

Bravo!

That was perhaps the single most intelligent, well thought out and unbiased post I have yet read on a review board. Well done. Others would be smart to learn the manner in which this was written, so that they may be able to convey a well thought out argument in a manner which is convincing, yet non-offensive. Kudos.

ps. - Your sexiness factor has just risen by 10 points.

 

[Adrianna Q]

I actually re-read lauren's post after the glorious review above lol....



Sorry, this is simplistic at best. There are many reasons why people stray in addition to the two mentioned above.

Heck, this board is full of guys with the notion that men are born to spread their seed. Did they come up with this ideology only after they were married? I doubt it so there's a third right there.

lack of self esteem? There's another.

Women in particular have a nasty habit of wanting "wants on the other side of the fence" and if your wife has a lot of single friends? You can bet that at some point she's going to want the fun that her gf's are having (and vice versa).

I wonder, in our "me now" society and with all the marriages that still occur, how many remove the line "I shall forsake all others" from their vows? I bet not many......

Just as some of us accept that there are many types of relationships out there, and that people in alternative relationships are no more or less "better" than those in typical monogamous relationships, to say that monogamy is an outdated concept is just a little narrow minded. I for one believe in monogamy.....

BTW: cg, there have been lots of studies done on women who play with women and to a one, they all say that a woman who plays with other women is just as likely to leave the marriage for this as there are women who leave with another man.

 

[ItsPossibleButNotLogical]

Don't be rainin on my parade tboy.

:slap:

Hee hee... I knew I'd be using that smiley before the day was out! :he:

 

[MissMoi]

doing his best maxwell smart imitation:

sorry about that chief......