Do men consider relationships warfare?

drumm3r1

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Women are made of secrets. I will admit that. I've become used to the concept that men, on the other hand, mean what they say and say what they mean.

So...I'm having a casual fling with a guy who is the consummate bachelor. He insists the entire time that he doesn't want the sex to ruin our friendship. I laugh it off and tell him something like "You really don't know me very well, trust me, this is just sport sex for me." A month later, he tells me, "I really like having you" and in the next sentence announces that he's leaving the country for a little while. My response to him was "Coool. Take lots of pictures and make sure you use a condom." He laughed at the moment. I found out later from his brother that he was hurt at my response or lack of.

WTF? I tell one of my other friends about this and he says:


Sigh. I still wouldn't have told him what he obviously wanted to hear cuz I simply don't feel that way about him, but had I been more aware of this, I would've been a tad less flippant. In any case, I feel like a total bitch :frown:
 
You're not a bitch, unless you intended those words that way. Judging by your concern upon self-reflection, it's clear you are a woman of great sensitivity, therefore not a bitch.

What happened, happened. What was said, was said. You can't take back those words that crossed your lips. Nor can you be responsible for how he misinterpreted your intentions. Recognize he has a problem. Don't be a doormat. Do not make his problem yours.

Move forward.

Take lots of pictures and be sure to use a condom.
 
When two people are having casual sex or a fling as you say, it's quite normal for one person to develop some unexpected feelings toward the other. Sometimes both partners end up experiencing this.

Sadly for him it seems that he feels for you on a different level than you do for him. Maybe in a way it is best that he found this out and he can deal with it.

As for you being a ''bitch''. I don't think so. You as Art pointed out did not intentionally try to hurt his feeling and how were you supposed to be able to foresee the outcome.

Sometimes our decoders fail us,lol.
 
You're right, I wasn't trying to be bitchy. As for the regret I feel, I agree again that I need to let it go. There have been plenty more meaningful words and actions in my life I am better off feeling regretful for. I do feel responsible though and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Just something to keep in mind if and when I get tested by a man like that again?



I feel badly that I didn't see it more clearly. It's quite obvious now, hindsight and all :) Thanks for not thinking I'm a bitch! lol I was just trying to play it cool
 
Fundamentally, men think in terms of Logic.

Women think in terms of Emotion.

This is the meeting ground that couples attempt to achieve when communicating.

Patience and Clarity are the key. Clarity more than anything else.
 
Don't categorize or label men and women, we'll all different in how we interact with each other. Some need to be decoded, that can be said for either sex.

It sounds like you were upfront about this being a casual relationship, there's nothing wrong with your response.
You've learned a bit more about each other and that's fine.
 
Very true...I've had to try very hard to be clear and tone down my impulses to be overly emotional. And the men in my life have had to be patient with me. As for logic and emotion, men are sooo attractive when acting on emotions... even if they're ultimately hurtful. Women tend to crave and are attracted to those sparks even if destructive.




Ooookay, sorry! I will try not to do that.
I was upfront, and while it's quite affectionate to see the relationship had a different consequence on him, I really hope I didn't damage him too much.
I guess I just feel like this is an occurrence where I was made aware of what kind of reaction he was hoping for and I'm fortunate for that. Wonder how many other such instances have just blown by me where I took a man for his word.
 
Men also expect clear answers but have a tough time articulating our own emotions.
 
I think you did the right thing about being upfront. It would hurt him alot more if he finds out about how you feel about him later on. Men get blind when they have feeling about a woman.
 
Thank you guys for all the feedback, I really appreciate it!
 
I'm not sure why I'm posting this... Maybe just to get my thoughts out to mostly anonymous people. The consummate bachelor tracked me down few weeks ago... He's been back in the country for who knows how long. I cut ties with everyone I used to know well over a year ago so it had to have taken a bit of work on his part.
He calls me, relieved that he's found me, mentions how much he has missed me and is sorry things between us ended so abruptly. As far as I could tell he was not drunk during or prior to this phonecall. I say I'm sorry too for being insensitive and careless. We touch base on a few things so he gets a concept of the struggles in my personal life that I've finally overcome. He insists that he would like to see me again and if possible do things differently this time around, perhaps more serious than casual. I don't like going in to the city so I tell him if he's ever in Durham I'd love to do dinner with him, "my treat". And we can go from there.
Sigh! Lol...
So he calls me claiming to be driving through. We pick a restaurant, I give him directions etc. He shows up looking effin scrumptious as ever. He looked genuinely happy to see me. We hug, kiss, joke, feel up a bit. He cant seem to take his hands off of me. It's almost like old times. I think I have my shit together more than I used to. I assumed he was more worldly now.
When we sit down at our table, he announces that he invited one of his "acquaintances" that lives nearby to join us. I don't know what to say. I should have opened my mouth. But true to my nature I don't.
Yes the acquaintance who showed up shortly after happens to be female, reasonably hot, a little bit icy, and so very very ...umm...dumb.
Whatever. I continue to be calm and sweet and seem to be the only one trying to include her in the conversation we have as the meal progresses.
She needs to leave the table towards the end because she needs a smoke. He says he's gonna join her and they'll be right back. He KNOWS how much I loathe this. Again I laugh to myself. I really am stunned that anybody could be this childish.
They come back, when the bill arrives he doesn't even gesture. So I take care of it. We get up and leave. She gets lost on her way to the door. He mocks her.
Outside the restaurant... She tells him she needs a ride. He gives her his keys and points out his car. He turns around and tries to kiss me. I turn so he gets my cheek and he laughs. I tell him it was refreshing to see him again, to say hi to his brother for me, and to take care of himself. And I walk away.
I've ignored his phonecalls. I honestly don't know what else to do but feel like shit about myself and be thankful that I have developed a better taste in men now. I hope. I don't know if it's a good thing that I'm laughing at myself and this entire situation.
 
This dude needs to contact '' a 1 player'' for tips pronto.

Bosco shakes his head at his pitiful attempt.
 
He and I have done the threesome thing... several times. I really don't think that was his main goal.
In terms of this hobby, I do not choose to make smoking a big issue. I may not make out with a guy if he smells or tastes like smoke but I don't refuse to see him or anything even remotely like that.
But in my personal relationships, I will not be with someone who smokes. Not even for a fling. And he knew that. It's not something that would have slipped his mind.
 
Why would you feel like shit about yourself? He's the one who acted like an ass.

And laughing, even at yourself, is always better than crying...so yes, it's a good thing.
 
Dude sounds like a douchebag if you ask me... Just sayin.

Move on Amy, from what I can tell from your on-line persona, you deserve better. :great:
 
You're right SillyGirl... Sometimes it's just better to laugh.

Thank you oddball for your thoughful logic. I AM thankful and grateful about how humbling this experience was and how swiftly I got smacked back into my place.

It's not that I am losing my hopeful nature and embracing being miserable about men. Being jaded like that will always be a turn-off to me so I don't ever want to become like that! The reason I feel like shit is because I was foolish to not just let things be. How could I be so arrogant...

Some time between the first and second phonecall, all his animosity and resentment towards me or everything I represent took over his original intentions. If I were a better person I'd help him instead of walking away. I can reassure myself though that I didn't turn my back on him to save face but just to save myself from more heartache.

Thank you for the sweet offer peace.

I'm sorry a1. Aside from not wanting the person I'm with to punish their body so horribly, I really wasn't exaggerating when I told you I may be a little allergic. Any more than a few hrs at a time with a heavy smoker and my eyes and throat are eaten alive haha.
 
Thanks CG. I don't really choose people in my life based on what I deserve or not. That's not a good way to live.
And ya he did act like an ass, but he truly used to be an attractive soul. His only real flaw used to be his inability to handle serious commitments and I could hardly blame him.
 
Thank you for the sweet offer peace.

I'm sorry a1. Aside from not wanting the person I'm with to punish their body so horribly, I really wasn't exaggerating when I told you I may be a little allergic. Any more than a few hrs at a time with a heavy smoker and my eyes and throat are eaten alive haha.[/QUOTE]


My pleasure IfyouseekAmy. By the way I am allergic to smokers too. Thus, I cant hug any smokers. Fortunately you are huggable and a non smoker. :)
 
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    Suko spa every day have different style 6 to 7 masseuse working here please call 905-597-8880 ๐Ÿ’‹ ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹
  31. Moneylee:
    All season wellness center : New Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Doris ,Young girl big boobs beautiful face deep massage Midi ,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament Lala,Young beautiful face sexy body and good deep massage Maggie, Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Sherry ,๐Ÿ  address: #5-30 Rambler dr Brampton ,Ontario L6W 1E2โ˜Ž๏ธ4376655510 ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต
  32. Moneylee:
    Full season Wellness center: New Young girl big boobs beautiful face deep massage Lucky, Student big boobs buttocks Vicky ,Young girl big breasted beautiful buttocks charming temperament big boobs Anjoo , young girl pretty face nice figure Thai deep massage Linda, Young girl Big breasted saucy naughty Ella,Enchanting sexy petite deep massage Mary. ๐Ÿ  2560 Shepard ave Mississauga unit 1 โ˜Ž๏ธ 4379857899 ๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿฆต๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿ‘…๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿˆต๏ธ๐Ÿ‘„๐Ÿ‘„
  33. Sparkling Spa:
    โšก๏ธ๐ŸŒŸSPARKLING SPAโšก๏ธ๐ŸŒŸ โœ…50 Lockridge Ave Unit 8โœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒMarkham, ON L3R 8X4๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ (905) 604-8186 Spa Land Lineโ˜Ž๏ธ โ˜Ž๏ธ (437) 446-6688 NEW Spa Cell Phoneโ˜Ž๏ธ (West of Warden & 16th Ave) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…NEW MANAGEMENT๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS๐Ÿ”ฅSUPERSTAR SERVICE QUEENS AVAILABLE AT SPARKLING SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ”ฅSEXY NEW YOUNG GIRLS ALWAYS WORKING - Todayโ€™s Schedule isโ€ฆ๐Ÿ”ฅ Foxy -๐Ÿ”ฅYour new addiction at Sparkling Spa! A tall 5โ€™7โ€ sexy Korean girl with a wi
  34. hiyamickey:
    7 girls working at Reinella wellness, Address:6262 hwy7 unit #1 Vaughan,โ˜Ž๏ธ๏ผš905-851-4888
  35. New spring spa@:
    โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ”ฅsexy hot busty ๐ŸŒธCanadian๐ŸŒธVietnamese ๐ŸŒธKorean ๐ŸŒธgirls working at Markham โ˜Ž๏ธ416-669-8508โค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธโ€๐Ÿ”ฅ
  36. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    โœจClick on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! โœ… Today๐ŸŒธClaire๐ŸŒธNina๐ŸŒธRebecca๐ŸŒธFran๐ŸŒธAmber Call us โ˜Ž 905 - 265 - 2158โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate service awaits! โœจ
  37. wonderspa:
    wonderspa: ๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒบ Weclome to wonder spa (9421Jane st unit127)L6A4H8 โ˜Ž๏ธ416-5000-800,.๐Ÿ˜on Saturday4younge girl working Ensuit shower available ๐Ÿ’„new young girl Cici is beautiful Sweet and friendy girl good deep tissue massage ๏ผŒback walking,nice body slide,๐Ÿท nice Amy Vietnamese young girl,open maid she can do everything you want,very popular girl,amazing massage,must try๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ˜
  38. Endless Joy Spa:
    โœจโœจโœจโœจโœจ[GRAND OPENING]โœจโœจโœจโœจโœจ ๐Ÿ’žEndless Joy Spa๐Ÿ’ž ๐ŸŽ‡ (155 East Beaver Creek Rd Unit #8, Richmond Hill) 416-731-8565๐ŸŽ‡10am-2am, Slim Petite Chinese Vivi & Slim Sexy Chinese Coco & Young Slim Sexy Chinese Jasmine
  39. HollywoodSpa:
    Saturday at ๐ŸŽญ๐—›๐—ข๐—Ÿ๐—Ÿ๐—ฌ๐—ช๐—ข๐—ข๐—— ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”๐ŸŽญ, 4578 Yonge St, Unit 100, North York, ON: COCO & SISI. โ˜Ž416-222-5554โ˜Ž When you visit ๐ŸŽญHollywood Spa๐ŸŽญ, you will be treated with tender care and your visit will be a fulfilling one. Nice Massage, Young Pretty Girls. We have Chinese, Japanese, Korean & other attendants. COCO is an attractive attendant with nice massage skills & good services. SISI is a sweet slim beauty, 5โ€™5โ€
  40. ForeverWarden:
    Saturday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ด๐ŸŸฅโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ 2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Lika, Sara & Tracy. Lika is new; details to follow... Sara is young & slim with nice C Cups, trim waist, sexy bum and long hair.She is vary friendly uses her assets well. Tracy is an incredibly cute & pretty Japanese/Taiwanese mixed spinner, about 5โ€™1โ€ and 100 lbs. She is very popular
  41. HolidaySpa:
    Saturday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: AMY & NANA. AMY is an attractive young lady with larger breasts and a nice bottom. She has outstanding oral skills, and is very popular. Donโ€™t miss out on her special skills Nana is a slim and very sexy Korean lady, very pretty and accommodating. Come and try, you will like. ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…HOLIDAY SPA๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด
  42. SugarLoveSpa:
    Saturday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: LUNA, SARA & TIFFANY. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON โ˜Ž ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿฑ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฒ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด โ˜Ž LUNA is a slim, VERY PETITE and capable Vietnamese beauty, nice natural 34C Cups. Luna can do everything. SARA is a beautiful Thai lady with C Cups, 160 Cms and 50 Kgs, with a full set of services to delight you. TIFFANY is an amazing slim
  43. Romance AI:
    Peshawar
  44. OrchidSPA:
    Today we have Beautiful Girls Tiffany & Mia. ๐Ÿ”ฅ Tiffany is a Young and Very Sexy Girl. ๐ŸคฉMia is also a slim cute girl. Drop In and Enjoy A Delicious & Satisfying Experience Today! OPEN: 10am to 10:00pm ~ Call/Text โฉ๏ธ 437-220-6963 ~ Unit#103 3601 Highway 7, Markham, ON L3R 0M3
  45. lotushubspa:
    Hi, Louts๐Ÿ’‹ recommends the best female masseuse to customers today, Anna๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’ฏ from China Coco๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’ฏ from Taiwan, Tina๐Ÿ’‹ from South Korea, living at 10737 Yonge St Unit13. Please contact 9052375885โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿ’‹ or SMS 4163565876, ๐Ÿ’‹Thank you๐Ÿ’‹
  46. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 girls are working today, young pretty Lily 22โ€™s open mind and young fun Yoyo 36DD with big buttocks 30โ€™s open mind, young slime Sophia 30โ€™s and sweet GFE Lina are providing deep tissue and sensual massage, pls call 416-3985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available. 350 Wilson Ave North York
  47. New Oriental Health Centre:
    ๐ŸซฆHappy, Nayla & Ada are in today ๐Ÿ“žCall ๐Ÿ“ฒ Text: (647) 381-2688 ๐Ÿ‘ Happy is a very talented Korean Babe ๐Ÿ’„Nayla is a Tall, Young, Beautiful & Curvy Spanish Girl ๐Ÿซฆ Ada is a sexy European Hottie ~ All Our Girls are Extremely Open-Minded ๐Ÿค—Open 8am til Late #26, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill.
  48. Red Rose Spa:
    ๐ŸŒธ We have 5 hot brown girls today ๐ŸŒธ ASHA, SABHA, SARA, PRIYA, NINA, VIVIAN, MALIYA, SALMA, NUR ๐ŸŒธ 2588 Birchmount ๐ŸŒธ 2 Invergordon ๐ŸŒธ 647-702-8800 ๐ŸŒธ Please visit for a great erotic massage
  49. luckywellness:
    Lucky Wellness Center 4379721888 295 Eglinton Ave E,Unit 7,Mississauga Kiki and Mia works
  50. Jennyโ€™s Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’JENNYโ€™S SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…5170 DUNDAS STREET WESTโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒETOBICOKE ONTARIO M9A 1C4๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ( 647-893-5196)โ˜Ž๏ธCall or Text โ˜Ž๏ธ( 437-888-3759)โ˜Ž๏ธCall Only (ETOBICOKE) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…GRAND OPENING๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅEXCELLENT MASSAGE + SERVICE QUEENS NOW AVAILABLE AT JENNYโ€™S SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ”ฅTWO BEAUTIFUL NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ’ฏREAL PICTURES OF ATTENDANTS๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ”ฅTODAYโ€™s ROSTER INCLUDES: Apple๐Ÿ˜˜ - Brand new girl from Taiwan ju
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