How to make Fun with Telemarketers

[Gitane Demone]

Twenty Responses To Use With Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

 

[Wired up]

[video=youtube;372Ah0Z_L1w]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=372Ah0Z_L1w[/video]

 

[jcab20055]

LOL I did this and she hang up the phone in my face

 

[Sandra D]

I will try that next time for sure ! Thanks .. I really like the 20.

 

[TheAnswerMan]

Well, it was easier years ago when my children were younger... But what I used to do is just hand the phone to My son or daughter and they would literally talk their ears off! :

Now the kids are all in their teens and not so much fun anymore... I just say, "No thanks, I'm not interested" and hang up...

But this bring up another subject... I'm registered with the "Do Not Call" people, so WTF am I even GETTING these calls?!

:grrrrrr:

 

[Brian T]

One friend of mine ( a musician) posted the call back number of one of those "You've won a weekend in Collingwood" "contests" on his website and asked his fans to keep calling the number.

 

[Ross P]

Nothing will stop them! They are annoying as hell

 

[Niko171]

LMAO, I've used the 2 highlighted in red.

ABC Windows and doors calling! Reply, I've already got windows and doors, they came with the house!

Keep a whistle beside your phone, they don't like that in the ear!

If it's a female, make like you're masturbating. LOL, if it's a male do the same thing! LMAO

Now, I ask the obvious question, "What country are you calling from?"

 

[LizzakaMel]

I just breath hard when they start talking. When they pause, I use a husky voice saying "Oh yeaaah?"... that's until I'm too amused at my own cleverness and start giggling.

 

[Theandysullivan]

If it's the same as in the States, charities are still permitted to call.

For others, I've found it quite effective to first clarify their name, the company name, address, and phone #, as if I'm writing it down. Then I say I think it's only fair to let them know I'm on the Do Not Call list, and from now on I'll be filing a complaint with the AG's office every time I see their number on my callerID. I say it all with a completely reasonable tone, as if I'm doing them a favor by letting them know my intentions. Sometimes I even suggest they go to their boss and make sure whatever needs to be done to get me off their list is done immediately, because the fines are quite steep.

They never call back.

 

[BoomBoom]

Charities here, yes, also newspapers and pollsters.

None of those bother me, because they're really pretty infrequent.

I'm also on the Do Not Call list but in the past year have been getting an increasing number of calls from what seem to be off-shore call centres, which may not be governed by the same regulations. With call display, it's easy to ignore long distance calls from numbers I don't recognize. Just let the call go directly to the answering machine. Invariably the caller forgoes leaving a message. And if it turns out to be a long lost relative, I can always pick up the phone while they're leaving a message.

Have to say however that I love your technique, SillyGirl.

Put on a straight face, maintain a calm voice and exude sincerity with a reasonable tone that implies you're doing them a favor as you subtly tell them to fuck off.

Absolutely brilliant!!

I'm going to keep that suggestion in mind and practise my oral skills accordingly.

You rock, girl.

As always, you rock!

 

[tmatme]

The Goddamn RBC calls me every month.

Always varying their times.

 

[Wolfy Owns]

I just tell them " Please call me one more time so I can have a good reason to tell my lawyer to get a lawsuit on your asses! " Magically calls stops.

 

[Rachelive]

Some organisations in Canada are exempt from the "Do not Call list"

https://www.lnnte-dncl.gc.ca/cofi-fico-eng