How to Stop the Addiction

[The Aromatherapist.]

Do what I did, I bought an external HD. No, just kidding. I don't know what you can do, to curb your addiction. Other than think of bad experiences I had, and let them control my libido. It's still hard because you will still think of the great ones which you enjoyed. Fortunately my experiences in Thailand were not as good as Mexico, and I don't plan on going there anymore, because of more negatives than positives. Think about the money you'll save and plan to buy something expensive for yourself, while shucking the P4P scene. I hope you know I was trying to inject some humor into my first response.

 

[Slayer]

El Tib, thanks for your advise, my hard drive is already over the limit, and I yet to have a "hard" on with the porno stuff . Seriously, please provide some advise, some "magic" bullet of an advise !

 

[bubblegum101]

Download porno.....

Plenty of free stuff on the net.

 

[cajunboy09]

CJ, You do have a good point. What you call an "issue" wouldnt that read as addiction ? as when a person lets it affects his normal work or personal life (read survival). The cause for this could be over than normal love for sex, gambling, alcohol whatever, wouldnt you call that addiction. Perhaps its just a labelling thing of what you call it ? I agree with you that getting ones priorities straight is fundamental, but not sticking to the priorities is a result of addiction

 

[paddy]

Country John wrote:

Well society exactly hasn't labeled a guy a sex addict yet, at least it's not " DSM-IV code yet where it's actually labeled a psychological condition. Right now the medical psychology community is leaving it up to an individual to say he has a sexual addiction problem, and clearly many people are coming forward and telling us they have an addiction with sex and it's controlling and overwhelming their lives. My favorite example that I read about is the guy at work who has to masturbate at work every two hours in the bathroom! Then there are a few guys we both know or met who go to TJ just about everyday, and then we have a few Christians who feel there trip to heaven may never occur because they have a problem with porn on the internet. For these guys clearly sexual addiction is a problem in their lives and they want to control it and not have it control then. ( the Christian I feel just needs to get over his guilt, unless he is on the internet all day and night?)

Now maybe you Country John don't have a problem with addiction or perhaps your in denial? looking at your open book that you seem to like to write about yourself Country John from an outsider it sure looks like you have a problem with sexual addiction and internet addiction to boot, as you write more then all of us here who already admit we have a problem coming to these sites, and it also looks like it also affected your home life and people in your family. To most people that's a major sign if the sexual compulsion is intruding on your personal life. If you went in to talk to a psychologist Country John and told him your history, I'm sure he would say your a candidate for inpatient treatment, again based on your writings. Now if you say you don't have a problem that's OK, especially if you can handle it, perhaps you see your life better now then it ever was before, and all the other guys are just jealous because they can't fuck all the young girls that we can?

But clearly sexual addiction is a problem for many and the first step is to recognize they have a problem IMHO.

 

[Pompal 09.]

I think it's very simple.

We (Mongers) are less inhibited in the sex department. Prostitution has changed a lot over the years. There are a lot of mongers out there who agree with us and now we have a place to congregate and agree even more.

It's not difficult to comprehend the notion that the physical sensation of sexual release is something easily experienced and something to which a guy would want more of than another guy. How crowded would the Zona be if every guy were as un-inhibited as we are?

Now dropping a bottle of viagra, drinking yourself silly and screwing everything with a skirt would be excessive, but some of us are up late at the office every night, some drive too fast, some smoke too much, some are hooked on soaps, etc. etc. There are lots of excesses in this life.

Sex (esp with prostitutes) still carries a negative image and therefore has lot risen above the social taboos that have followed us through the ages. If only smoking could get outlawed. (I quit a week ago by the way.)

No member of the animal kingdom nurses past maturity, but the sex act has no natural limit. If society wants to label a guy "addicted" because he wants to fuck young girls all day long, then that's a problem with society and not the guy (IMHO). The fact that he pays for it simply indicates that he wants to dispense with the social bullshit normally associated with getting laid and just get the girl in the sack.

I say you are normal. Unfortunately mere survival today demands that we put attention on "survivial related issues" like work etc., and if the compulsion to screw girls causes you to ignore your other responsibilities, then THAT is the issue, not the fact that you like screwing girls. It's a matter of understanding priorities and why they are important.

Screw the girls, but get your priorities straight and focus on the other necessities of life.

Country John

 

[Pompal 09.]

Fireballs ! Thanks for yet another super post. Again I am at a loss where to start. You make many points which confirms my thoughts as well. For one now I know I am not a hard core addict ! No I dont go to the bathroom 3 times a day to masturbate, wish I could Even when I wa 14, I did it only twice a day
Another, directly or indirectly affecting ones life. Most directly is the time and money and then broken relationships, los of jobs or poor performance. I think many "middle of the line" addicts suffer from these and do not want to admit it to themselves.
Another very imp point you make about the first step of admitting you have a problem, but then as you said, sex is also a drive and there is fine line of difference between a drive and recurring urge I guess. I dont know if I am making sense on a sat evenin after 2 Gin and Tonics (British today !) No Tecate or Sol or XXX for me today, and no friggin late night either !

 

[luv2help]

Let me see If I can review some of the things we covered. The first step seems to be you have to admit you have a problem. That along is sometimes hard to do especially since sex is a drive. And there is a wide variety of sexual behaviors people consider personal addictions and others don't. Personally, I don't consider masturbating looking at porn, or having sexual thoughts has real sexual addictions unless you do it all the time. For example some dude at work stopping to masturbate every two hours in the company bathroom.....That's just plain weird and probably more than just a minor sex disorder? So many people from religious backgrounds consider themselves sexually addicted for example just masturbating once a day, or just look at the free porn on the web.

Even Bill Clinton is suppose to be a sex addict for getting that BJ from Monica. Hillary Clinton has mentioned that her husband have received couseling for a sex addiction, and a newspaper article from the Washington post said Clinton also received 'pastoral therapy sessions!" I wonder if they were referring to the talks he had with Jesse Jackson? If so I doubt he learned anything from Jackson, and not sure if Bill Clinton needs sexual addiction couseling, he just needs a hotter women than Hillary, and not to get caught?

So we got guys who probably aren't addicted, to guys in the middle who straddle the line like a lot of guys here, as it really don't hurt us in a direct way, but indirectly it does, and then we have guys who for sure go over the line. These guys are the guys to go to places like TJ everyday, or quit there job and move to Thailand( personally I envy those guys who move to Thailand) We also know if your addicted to sex and fucking hookers you are probably addicted to other things too. I'm pretty sure I know of one guy who surfs these forums, and is possible addicted to 5 vices, fucking, gambling, drinking, drugs, and the internet in varying degrees! Guys like that go on wild fucking binges to place like TJ, fucking one hooker after another while they drink themselves into a drunk stupor! ( hell I envy those guys to in a way, but I'm really scared I may one day be with them in the pit of hell, and unable to get out?)

After your pretty sure your addicted to sex or in our cases fucking prostitutes. You have to try to understand what triggers the behavior. It's probably not just your just horny? Did you have a bad day at the job? Did you get in a fight with your wife or girlfriend. Are you looking for excitement? You like the thrill of the hunt looking for 'new?' Is the stress getting too much that you need to go to TJ or a red light district to relieve the stress? Or like me you use to see it on the streets everyday or be within a few miles of it? These are all outward cognitive behaviors you feel you have on a concious level.

Then you also hear about the unconscious triggers maybe somebody like Freud talked about involving shame and guilt. I don't put much weight in these things you hear, as they are almost impossible to prove, but I'm sure they are accurate for some people.

Are you addicted to mongering because you were treated badly as a child and more then likely beat? Did a close family member have sex with you or molest you in anyway causing you to monger later in life. Did they put a guilt trip on you maybe catch you masturbating and told you that you were dirty? Did someone tell you that you were worthless that you have come to believe it, thinking no women could really love you without paying her? Do you feel like a loser, and have zero self esteem and only mongering all the time could save you? ( some people could be winners in life, successful, and maybe feel just like a loser when it comes to sex.)

Lets see what I can think up next time. I think I'm just bored today, but hopefully I'm being going out soon today?

 

[Master Blader]

Fireballs thanks for your comprehensive replies, but it is "intimdating" to reply to all your points
You hit the nail on the head as saying the person is looking either for excitement or reduction of stress. Sometimes I think it is like smoking, you smoke when you are excited and happy, and you smoke when you are stressed or unhappy ! I think it is a personality trait as the characteristics are similar, manifestations can be through mongering, pornography, drinking, whatever....

 

[Steven Miles]

No doubt the "thrill of the hunt" is one of many things that can make this hobby addictive--as well as interesting.

 

[tinkerbelle]

Ok lets talk about the cognitive/behaviorist addiction triggers and leave things like what your mother did to you in the past or why your higher power isn't helping you. With behaviorist it's all about what's observable, and cognitive what you are thinking and feeling.

So what drives you guys to seek out hookers in places like Tijuana or seedy red light districts in the states and elsewhere?

Some say the two major drives that are involved in the addiction process are excitement seeking and tension reduction behaviors that set you off. That certainly was it for me for many years. I was just plain bored at my job, and went out to the streets for excitement. To me MPs were to boring as I craved the excitement of the streets knowing I could be busted by the cops, or robbed or beat up by some pimps.( really I was always very careful, and it was unlikely those things would happen, but it did create tension)

But you know what when I got better jobs I still was seeking out sex, maybe it was because of the trigger it was right there only 5 minutes away from my job, and other jobs I had to travel a street known for red light activity. Thank God I don't work near any red light districts anymore, except TJ is only one hour away, a little too close for comfort. ( I guess with the new jobs I had lot of stress?) In fact I remember I was fired once, and the first thing I did was go to a MP to fuck a MP girl. I still remember it today, she was a 9 from Costa Rica, and couldn't believe I would go seek out a hooker when I didn't have a job, and gave me a discount because I was out of work and told her what happened to me.

Everybody has different triggers, but the common ones are anxiety, boredom,depression, personal crisis, sense of failure, unmet sexual needs, criticism, etc etc....

And you know what sometimes I don't even look at my minor sex addiction as something I want to permanently stops. Sometimes I'll go out and reward myself with a nice fun loving Mexican hooker. I'll tell myself you been good, haven't been to TJ in about three weeks, and you just got a bonus at work, so lets do something that you rather do then anything else in this world, and that's to fuck a sex worker who is beautiful and a lot of fun.

So what's the appeal of anonymous sex without tenderness, fidelity, and love you know all the values we are taught to cherish? Maybe the newness of a young hot body of a women who doesn't even know your name?

 

[paulina]

That explains it well. My mongering is fairly well controlled, but not the time I spend online.


When I travel or do other things I don't miss the Internent--or the sites I visit. But when I'm around a computer I blow way too much time "browsing my favorite sites."


I don't see that ever happening!! I can't see you resisting the urge to come back/avenage yourself if you were banned.


Good goal. If you figure out how to do it, please post a "how to" guide.

 

[kdanley]

Fireballs, you made a very imp point about online addiction, in fact I have the same. I cant wait to get to this site and the porn sites. Everyday I tell myself I will not today, and here am I after a rum and coke ! I spend lot of time on this "entertainment" which eats into my exercise time as well, though I am pretty fit at 44, my cholesterol level is shooting high. I wish my testeronre was shooting high too But I have been in good condition all my life at 6" and 180 pounds and a lean (and mean!) frame you cant argue witth that. Coming back to the addiction you had brought out another point about multilple addictions, and I think that is true as well. And to boot it, I am into this mpnet forum most times, lets say I am addicted to you guys as well, beware

 

[ed031639]

I'm with Burt and Sampson, I think I have more of a problem with the computer than I have with addictive mongering? The computer is always there, I work with them, and I have them all over my house. I do try to make it a point to not sign on these sites at night. I remember on ChicaChica, I use to tell the guys I suffer from the compulsion of "Hypergraphia" a need to write, and those guys believed me, because I wrote so much. There has been a few times when my internet connection has been down, and I literally climb the walls. Hopefully, one day I'll commit online suicide or maybe get in a drag down dirty fight with one of my many enemies who don't like me because I slighted them at one time or another, and maybe I'll just get banned, and just stay banned.

The main problem I have with being online so much is really takes away from my exercise time, I use to be fairly active, so in order for workouts to do anything for me I need at least an hour a day, so instead I'll go on the treadmill for only 1/2 an hour or walk the dog, which really doesn't do anything for me. So my goal is to reduce my time online and devote more time to working out.

Maybe later I talk a little about my sex addictions but not too much as I value my privacy and if you talk to much about yourself others will use it against you. But hopefully others will tell their stories with sex addictions as I know you guys have them.

 

[My Oh My]

Alright I have uncontrollable urges, When I am near TJ, I just cant stop myself from going to TJ, its good I am a bit far away now. One sat morning I decided I will not go, went driving into LA. but nothing would cut, I avoid friends company and invitation for evening outing, as I think that will rule out my evening "fun". So I am addicted lock, stock and barrell !
Now Fireballs, I agree the 12 step program is not a solution in itself, one needs to have a commitment and then use that program to reinforce it. There is the most fundamental point, the basis of 12 step program is to stop it altogether there is no moderation thing. This sexual addiction is a complicated addiction because it is based on natural urges which one tends to get into a bad habit and then spins out of control. If one can control it nothing like it, problem I had is going into TJ I go with all determination of limiting my activity, being within budget, but seldom do I end up doing what I started to !

 

[fishy!]

I am pretty sure that I have an "addictive personality"

I am on the internet around the clock, on lots of sites, but my work puts me in front of a computer...but I still think I am addicted to the net or at least the computer...

Prostitution is addictive to me as I have a need to be around prostitutes and the business.

Earning cash daily is addictive and I am sure I am addicted to that.

Gambling can be addictive, and although sometimes I go for months with no betting, I do enjoy it. I think maybe 10 years ago, I had a problem with it, as my day was centered around it....however I was winning consistently....but that does not mean I didn't have a problem...ie...When the book opend at 3pm and I could get my info at 2:30, I would excuse myself from meetings or generally plan my day to be able to get on the phone at that time. When I coached baseball and had to be at a certain place at 3:30(before cell phones) I would get there very early and use a payphone close to the filed, and then hurry to the field. I also work in sports gambling, so I am around it often...

I think I have gambling in check, and the other things I do not, but don't want to stop them. Fortunately I never tried smoking or any drugs.

 

[Mommy of ~Andrew~ 8 mths]

I agree the first step is to admit to yourself that you have a problem. You also need to use what works for you and for me it is moderating the problem. I know I could easily monger four or five days a week and by knowing that I can control how often I monger. The key is to not fall over the edge, there is a fine line between moderation and addiction. For me moderation seems to work.......Find out how much mongering you can live with both financially and physically. As far as religion is concerned I believe we are all sexual beings and we need sex, just because I monger I do not believe I am going to hell. I am single and I do not want to get into the marriage nightmare as I was married once and I am not one to judge someone based on their hobbies......

 

[Eric]

Hi. My name is Burt. I spend hours each day on prostitution related bulletin boards.

 

[Leeiiissssaaaaa]

I bet you have a friend that has a gambling problem, as mongers usually seem to have other addictions as well, so I bet you know a few problem gamblers as well? That's funny, he wanted to learn discipline( money management) but making a first bet is like an alcoholic taking the first drink. I understand Gamblers Anonymous has about the same success rate of other 12-step programs, not very good. Could that be the reason why the Casinos fund 'Gamblers Anonymous?" You know how the casinos want to do their part helping compulsive gamblers, and because the state gets them to agree to help problem gamblers to pacify religious groups who say gambling destroys lives.

But back to sex addictions and the 12 step programs. I guess something could be said for group therapy. I been to a few AA meetings for alcoholics, and a few of those guys have interesting stories, you wonder how they could survive their jobs because they were always on-their-ass-drunk? I not or wasn't an alcoholic so I could not go up their and speak, but I wondered what would happen if I went up and spoke about my uncontrollable mongering I was beginning to have.....I bet that would have woke them up?

So who wants to be first get up to this thread and tell us about your experience with sex addiction? I would love to hear the stories of the uncontrollable sex urges and all the fucking you did, or how you controlled it, or how it still has control over you?

 

[Judy B]

I had a friend who went to Gamblers Anonymous and he told everyone he went to get discipline. He said he wan't to continue gambling, but not chase money when he is done...so he expected them to teach him how to gamble in moderation.

They were unable or unwilling to work with him on this.