My sympathy for "The Married Man"

[just a thought]

Often, through the course of small talk or be it an obvious statement of precious
metal on an appendage, the confession "I'm married" is uttered from your client's
lips. If I had to take a guess, the percentage I would assume, of married clientele
who have graced the doors of a many MP's would be approx. 80%. Often, without
any provacation from me, I am introduced to their saga of married life. And I am
puzzled. Does he really want to discuss his marriage with me? Does this client
want to leap away from this seduction to discuss the very thing he came he to
forget? Is he trying to justify his actions to me? Does he think I look down
at him for this MP excursion? The following conversation, remains fresh in my
mind, as if it was yesterday, as the empathy I felt for this gentleman and his story
always reminds me how I hope and pray that I will never be,( for whatever reason,
overworked 9-5, children, lack of interest etc....) disinterested in sex for an
unreasonable amount of time. Of course, I'm young, and single, with no stressful
9-5 or little copies of myself tugging at my skirt. So I have yet to walk that mile
in those shoes.

Client: My wife and I have not been intimate for about 8 months. Client sits
up on bed for serious eye contact with me. I came here because I'm really horny,
I'm tired of masturbating, and I'm at my wit's end. I just don't know what to do
anymore. Is it common, I mean, Do many married men come for a massage?

Red: Wow. Of course. You think you are the only one. Many, many married men
come for a massage for the exact same reasons. Is this your first time?

Client: 2nd time. But the first time I couldn't go through with it. I was scarred,
nervous, and I felt guilty. If she knew, she would kill me. I'd lose the kids, the
house, everything.....Am I repulsive? What is it? Do I smell? Is it my dick? She hurts
my feelings, like as if having sex with me is this chore....this nightmare!

Red: Have you talked with her? Told her how you feel? Maybe she could go see
a doctor or a therapist/counsellor, to make sure it is neither medical or issues with
your marriage. You know, women can be very difficult in that area. If they feel
there are other issues sometimes, they can't fully allow themselves to give pleasure
to the person they have the issues with. Or maybe, she has a low sex drive, a medical
could clear up any problems in that area. Have you tried any of these options?

Client: Everytime I bring it up...or everytime I rub her back or give her some sign
that I want to be intimate.....she freaks out. She says "Is that all you think about"
"I worked today, cooked dinner, bathed the kids, cleaned up the house, and now
you want me to instantly become one of your porno girls, well forget it, I'm tired,
do what you normally do!"

Red: What does that mean? Do what you normally do.
Client: Well, sometimes, when we are in bed, and she won't fool around, I just
masturbate in front of her while she reads her book.
Red: WHAT! Red cannot believe her ears. WTF! Client notices my utter astonishment
at his statement
Client: My shock seems to throw him into overdrive and he starts spewing off
more facts about his wife's tactics to avoid him sexually and the statements she
makes to him regarding his need for sex. I've only had one B**w Job....no sorry...two..
in 15 years of marriage.......she says I'm a pervert......she thinks I think she's just
slave to rear my children and satisfy myself. Client goes on for another 5 minutes
until Red realizes his problem will not be solved with any input from me. So I
push the client back down on the bed, and tell him that today is his lucky day. I tell
him that I love perverts, and that I'm here, and I'm ready and he better fasten his
seatbelt. This seemed to work, and I knew that at least this temporary solution,
could help him for today. But my sympathy for him continued, and I wondered how
I would feel in the same situation....... Devastated!

So I can't help but wonder. What is going on? Is this problem a result of marriage?
Sometimes I think, and often hear, that after children, the woman loses interest, if
not completely. Is it possible, that after children, a woman no longer holds the same
interest. Is it the husband? Is he not romancing, helping out around the house? Have they not kept up personal appearance to remain attractive? Or....
are some married men just interested in trying out new and different experiences?

Question for single men: What would you do in this situation?

Question for the married men/long time SO: What reason do you attribute to your
SO's sexual neglect, if any?

 

[Maricella Sierra]

oh my god, that is so depressing. will someone please tell me this won't happen to me if i get married? what can i do to avoid this fate befalling me?

lego

 

[Osaka_L.A._Connect]

lego, all you have to do is marry Ms. Stiletto. She has a clear understanding of your situation in about 8 years.

ll

 

[Atmey]

I wonder how many marriages Red has saved. Thank god for MPA's!!!


Mental note - pretend to be married next time you see Red Stiletto

 

[Darin]

Red,

For as long as there are people who will listen, there are people with problems who are happy to share them. I guess it goes with your territory. Me, I guess I am someone that just deals with problems rather than talk about them. You want sex, go see an SP. You want a nice massage go see an MPA. Life is simple, you want something get it.

Lego, not all marriages are like that (although I would say a lot are). What you need to do is almost to have a marriage contract. What do you do, what do I do. The acknowledged and negotiated division of chores and duties is the only way for one party to not feel used.

While I can't say what is going on in that marriage, here is my guess. Guy feels I work hard at the office all day and come home and want to relax. Wife feels she is working 24/7 cause guy comes home and does nothing. Perhaps if he picked up a tea towel and rubbed the dishes instead of his wifes back she would be a little more rested and interested in sex.

 

[Dark]

Which team do you play for ?

Seriously, there are many people in unhappy marriages. I seriously doubt that they will become happy by doing household chores. People stay in marriages they shouldn't for many reasons such as kids , money and the quiet desperation of thinking that the alternatives may be even worse.

 

[Wally West]

Train,

I agree with you 100%. But before we can say he is there, all that might be needed on his end is a little effort. Hire a cleaning lady. Best $70 I spend each week. Keeps me from having to clean or listening to my SO bitch about it.

 

[Nicole W]

I'm sure both parties are dissatisfied with that relationship.

I'm curious about the age of the kids. I know for us, we have young children that demand a tonne of our time and energy. When I'm done at the office, I head home and we work together at household chores, kids' playtime, bathtimes, story time, etc, etc, etc.

The intimacy is so far on the back-burner that it is pretty frustrating sometimes. We're both exhausted but my interest is a great deal more intense than hers.

All I can say is that I truly appreciate what the MPA's and SP's have to offer because for us married men who do truly love their wife and family, we still need to be reminded that we are men and be allowed to spoil and pamper a woman and receive the same in return. (man & woman, not "husband" and "wife")

Helping out with chores is one thing but having the opportunity to spend quality time together, going for walks, watching a good movie, or just sitting out on the deck and talking is also important. It may not always bring you the intimacy you are craving but should still leave you feeling a little more connected to your wife or SO.

That's my two-cents. Hopefully not too much babbling.

 

[Defense Devil]

Fuck you!!

I'm very intimate!

 

[fahima f]

I wish I was married.....we sit by the hearth, all cozy...we look each other in the eyes...I pass a little gas....she trys not to laugh but the smell has her on the floor....I pull out the slightly used blow-up doll.....then we would have a wicked threesome....dear I dream a little dream



Talk to me now I'm older
Your friend told you 'cause I told her
Friday nights have been lonely
Change your plans and then phone me.

We could go and get 40s
Fuck goin' to that party
Oh really, your folks are away now?
Alright, let's go, you convinced me.

 

[The Wise One]

That right there imho is the root cause to most failed marriages. I'm single so I guess you have to take this with a grain of salt. I see it everywhere around me. For every great marriage there are 4 that absolutely suck. And to tell you the truth its got me spooked about marriage altogether. Parents, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, collegues at work, friends from high school, university, sports teams etc. the list goes on and on.

I find that people are getting married for the wrong reasons. And to compound matters they have babies for the wrong reason. Not all, but a whole damn lot. Whenever I see a marriage about to unfold, there is always a common theme. One of the two participants is not ready. Women are not ready, but she has to keep up with the Jones', Men are not ready, but are pressured by SO or family. So no shit there's going to be problems.

Then they think that having a baby will turn everything around, but that's just like walking through a riot carrying bricks in a wheel barrow. Can high hormone levels, sleepless nights, an incredible increase in responsibility and and end to feelings of free-spiritedness.

I know these are generalizations, but it's what I see everywhere in different parts of my life.

 

[_Justified_]

Okay, I have been reading this thread ...

I have been married twice.

My first wife was the love of my life. Everything was better than great. She was beautiful and East Indian (imagine Mya in that Canadian Beer commercial and you get the idea) ... Of course I didn't open my eyes until later on in my life to see it and when I did I knew. She had always loved me and I had loved her, but I needed to sow to seeds so to say. When we finally settled with each other, it was meant to last ... until cancer took hold and she passed away a little over 5 years ago. I have no doubt that if the cancer wasn't there I would not be here, she gave me everything I wanted and I gave her in return. When you love someone as much as that, you still have to work at making them happy because you want to, and it never gets easy and you always think about something new to do for them. That in essence is love.

I have met many older couples who have been happily married for many years and you can tell they still love each other by the small things that they do. The holding hands, the loving looks and the short comments.

My second wife, as I am officially divorced, was a nightmare and I partly blame myself for my actions on the rebound. She wanted to get married for the thought of being a married person. I was blinded by my love from my first wife, no I was not looking for someone to replace her, I was looking for someone to fill the void because I had so much to give. That is where the separation started and it grew from there.

Some people get married because of the idea/notion that they are married, then comes the house and kids and keeping up with the Joneses ... mostly the woman who have this idea/vision/dream in their head and they expect the man to live up to that expectation, but we rarely do and are not accepted for being who we are. You see it everyday on talk shows like Oprah and in magazines like Vogue ... who are us men expected to be ?

The question is if your wife kept you happy at home would you be going out and seeking other sexual activities ? Men come in different types so I am sure that there are a few that would regardless. But this thread is about the unhappy husband that has to go out "companionship". Therefore, the man is not happy as a result of his wife inactions in the bedroom.

Question - if he loved the woman and she loved him back and he was happy with the current state of the relationship including the sex part, then he would have gotten married for the right reasons ? True. But things change, people grow old and gain a few pounds ... should you love them less ?

Affection - many married men don't go for the HJ ... they go for the affection that is lacking in their married relationship. Human touch is a powerful thing even if she is not touching your private parts. Many married men go for the conversation/feedback that they could never have with a member of the opposite sex and that includes their wife. We talk about communication between client and MPA to improve a session but where is it with your spouse, oh yeah I forgot at the marriage counsellors office. Many women want their husbands to be open, some can many can't, and when we are we see the hurt in their eyes, am I not a good wife am I not a good husband.

Complain - You name it but the number one if it isn't the kids its the money and if it isn't that it's becuase there are not enough hours in the day and I can only go so long before passing out from exhaustion.

And you wonder why the divorce rate is so high ...

I think that I have said enough and I haven't even gotten all my points and thoughts across. There are volumes of books on this stuff and we are still asking questions.

RS, you gave me a great idea to gain extra mileage during a session by making the MPA feel pity on me. I am going to try it and see what happens as part of an experiment. I will post the results. Yes .. I am EVIL !!!

VBB

PS. Hooray 1000th post ... on a down note, its only a post.

 

[idol24fan4life]

http://www.nomarriage.com/

To quote one of my married friends, "The best thing about marriage is that we can have sex anytime............................................she wants"

 

[superstar dj]

LOL - Good one.

I thought you might respond to that.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Red, Sweetheart;

I can offer one possible explanation of this phenomenon regarding married life.

Over the years, we as a species tend to become laid back and tend to take a lot of things for granted, especially in these days. The perty being taken for granted, or perceived to be taken for granted, takes offence and reacts accordingly. The situation tends, sometimes, to escalate. One major contributor to the escalation seems to be a lack of communication. And, if left unchecked, the situation continues to become worse. One symptom is to seek companionship outside of the relationship, which is an acknowledged sign of a need in that relatinship that is not filled. This is where an MPA or SP can come into the picture.

We men and women often find it difficult to express our feelings with the ones very near to us. But, we need to communicate to set things straight again. Either an MPA or a health professional (psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, etc...) can help by listening and/or suggesting a course of action. At least, with the MPA, one feels better and is relieved of stress, I find. However, things need to be talked out between the two spouses, no matter who they seek for help.

Dear Red, the client has to understand that they must NOT become emotionally attached to the provider, nor does the provider become attached to the client in these circumstances (the old 'rebound' phenomenon). However, the provider has helped the client by just being there and giving comfort and ear to teh client who is suffering. When I was younger, a wonderful SP I used to see, long before I met my SO, helped me through very difficult times with my many failed relationships with women. I was terribly lonely and depressed when I was young! She became one of my best friends and I, hers. But we realised that we woudl not be good matches for eachother. Still it was a wonderful part of my life and she helped me to learn to not take life too seriously!

Best Regards and hope to meet you one day,

shakenbake

 

[Wrestling God]

then again, even yelling at some one you love is a good way to communicate!

 

[fishbarn]

You are definately an evil person but on second thought it is definately a gret idea to get the symphaty of the mpa.

 

[Tim J]

Here's your cake
http://www.ripway.com/members/getfile.asp?file=\2005-3\278829\keeley2%5F10%5F02%5F05%2Ejpg

 

[workinmama]

Evil, yes sometimes ... but Good at other times ... internal conflicts.



I do not have a password for your link.

Besides everyone knows that I like eating PIE !!!

VBB

 

[TJR]

I say we all write to Parliament to get a SOME-Sex Marriage bill passed!