This HFH report is missing the nay nay hilario....

[Sir Studley Smugley]

Kayla,

First off, thank you for bringing out another edition of the HFH report for myself and all of the other lonely and desperate massage board members.

The current HFH newsletter is good, but it doesn't have the nay nay hilario that the first HFH newsletter had. In case any of you forgot, the first HFH newsletter had a massive close up of Vitamin R's ass with the caption "Meet Vitamin R - Our biggest and brigtest star. That right there was pure comedy genius. This HFH newsletter is really lacking the laugh factor that makes you yearn for the next HFH newsletter to come out.

For the next newsletter, I suggest a pic of Vitamin R with the the caption "Warning - Vitamin R is known to cause shortness of breath and erections. Do you think you can handle a dose of Vitamin R? If so, come on down to the Big H for some much needed Vitamin R"

 

[Mister C.]

Rusty,I would like to see a "Cuddlers Corner" column,written by you and Spode, added to the report.If guys see that 2 definitions of masculinity like you and Spode are into cuddling,then the future is quite bright for the cuddling movement.

 

[Julian G]

Excellent suggestion, golfdude.

I would have no problem in writing such a column with Spode, as long as Kayla provides me with a Swiss Chalet dinner and all the Shirley's I could drink.

I think another addition that would make the HFH much better would be if they listed which clients they consider to be BFE's and why being a BFE greatly improves your chances of getting a good session.

PS Who is your fave golfer? Mine is that guy that played on the seniors tour who would always do the sword thing whenever he made a putt. That's sexy.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Quarter Chicken White with Chalet Salad and an extra dipping sauce as I like to shoot one back for dessert...please!

Chi Chi Rodriguez is the swordsman/golfer. My favourite golfer is Se Ri Pak. Reminds me a lot of an infamous cuddle machine up off of Allen Road.

Since this would be the first ever installment of cuddlers corner, let's look at what a BFE could do in order to provide an excellent cuddle/spooning experience or as RicFlairJr. likes to call it FSLM.

FSLM is a much sought after quanitity. It is much easier to capture the MPA's body than it is to capture the MPA's magnificent mind. So how can this be done going forward? Well here is a list of things that can be done in advance in order to make sure that cuddle nirvana is achieved and regularly attained.

1. Hygiene-The hobbyist must make sure that they are well groomed and clean. Shower at home and then shower at the spa once again. Look at it this way. Do we really have time to catch every little nook and cranny when showering at a spa. I know I'm too nervous thinking that some hottie is about to touch my weiner to make sure that every thing is as clean as a whistle. That's what home court is for. You'll want to shower at the spa for the reason that it is so hot outside that even a quick drive to your fav. MP could start the waterworx. Should you shave the twig and berries. Well I would say yes as this just tells the MPA that you are a serious slider/cuddler. Have gum available in the car especially if you like to get blunted b4 the session. Three pieces of dentyne Intense should do. Finally a dash of Coolwater by Davidoff will ensure that maximum cuddlin pleasure is achieved.

2. Be Interesting-Nothing will ensure failure than to just sit there like a bump on a log without saying a thing. Make sure that if you are a boring fuck, that you lie your ass off about silly things that have no consequence. For instance you like shopping at Brunos fine foods cause there is this sweet old lady there that makes sure you always get the finest cuts of meat on Saturday, and you brought her flowers last time you went shopping. OOOhhh I'm going to have to use this one.
Be literate in various types of music as this is something that most MPA's enjoy as well. Most of these women are in their mid 20's to mid 30's so they are most likely into one of two types of music. Either its THE DIRTY SOUTH or COLDPLAY. I however run for the hills whenever I hear a MPA say they love Coldplay. This usually means the MPA may be high mileage and I have no interest in that. Make sure you know what the following terms stand for...84's, dubs, dabbys,drank, dro, syrup, paint, flossin, ATL, DTP, CollegePark, Swishahouse and finally Purple

3. Respect...Most importantly-who gave us the right to touch the kitty without being instructed to. I'm sorry but paying your 120-200 gives you no right to touch anything except arms, shoulders, legs, the glutes and possibly the feet. When it comes to boobs and bush, make sure you do not touch even when hinted at. Make the MPA forcefully take your hand and place them where she would prefer. Have any of you read the Attendant Arousal Fact or Fiction thread. MPA's may and I repeat may get turned on during a session, but more often than not they don't. Don't start rubbing the little man in the boat like your feverishly erasing a wrong answer on one of those multiple choice tests. On average an attendant sees anywhere from 4 to 7 clients a day. If we all tried to play excessively down there, the attendant starts losing feeling...or least that's what I was told to say. If the MPA is totally into kitty play than just make sure you say "All within MP limits, for my safety and yours" and then "sorry Hon" Are you kidding me? This is dynamite.

This is all I can think of right now. It's like my man ST said...

I call shots,
Like a boss
Stack Knots,
Like a boss
Cop Drops,
Like a boss
On top,
Like a boss
Paint the coast,
Like a boss
When I floss
Like a boss
Big Hoss
Like a boss
Rep the north
LIKE A BOSS

 

[Moonlights]

the twig and berries rotflmao too funny

 

[wheatbread L]

My favorite golfer is Jennifer Rosales.I am always rooting for her to make her putts.She likes to wear tight fitting biker style shorts and I likes to watch her bend over to pick her ball up out of the cup.NOW THAT"S SEXY.

I would consider myself an ex-boyfriend expierence right now but I hope that with the help of you and Spode and cuddlers corner that I can axe the ex from my boyfriend experience!

 

[Anni Apple...]

Golfdude, interesting option ex-BFE. Many cute golfer-gals.

 

[HangingChad]

Rusty.. I will surely take that into consideration next time. I plan to make the next one bigger. This one was kinda visually lame, but it makes for bigger and better surprises