Still out (follow up on previous post)

[boeing707]

As some may recall I posted a while ago that I am done with massage visits. For reasons, see original post. All is well still and haven't gone back since mid-December of last year. I wanted to share what helped me, in case anyone else is thinking of doing so. As I said before, it is purely a personal choice, and certainly not trying to make anyone feel worse, that would be very hypocritical. Each person has their own circumstances. Opinions always welcome, whether positive or negative.

Here are some things that helped. Funnily some are very similar to when I quit smoking 25 years ago.

1. Acknowledge that it is an addiction, which was probably the most difficult. It's funny how many "logical" reasons my brain comes up with to convince me otherwise. Was the same when trying to quit smoking. Anything would do as a reason to start again.
2. Use the cash saved for a hobby. Now here I am very lucky because I have many hobbies and a man cave full with interesting stuff. So I use some of the money to reward myself to add to my collections.
3. Similar to above, spend time on other things you like doing. Which in case of this winter is not the easiest thing since we're all stuck indoors but nevertheless, that works very well.
4. Go out and meet friends. I may not be a teenager but still enjoy going out. I make a point of at least 2 or 3 times per month to go out for dinner, or have drinks with friends. Specially if you are on your own, the worst thing is to try to survive the weekend by sitting on the couch. Staying busy is key.
5. Find someone you can talk to. I am again very privaleged to have a friend I can share personal problems with and just chatting makes it a lot easier.
6. Go on youtube and listen to the stories of Asian women in massage parlors, and the reasons why they are here. It helps me to keep motivated.
7. If you have family, spend more time with them.
8. Have normal sexual relations. Now that I go out more, I find that this is really not that big mountain I thought it would be. It takes more time and effort but just trying is actually fun. And no, age really doesn't matter that much. I have passed the 50 mark a while ago. And while maybe a dance club is a bit much, I find that many places in Toronto are perfectly accepting of someone who isn't in his 20s anymore.
9. Have something you can do when the urge comes up. In my case I go for a work out or go do some chores around the house. Don't replace massage with porn overload, try to avoid that as it does not help.

I know, it probably sounds a bit soppy, but it works for me.

 

[superdick]

As some may recall I posted a while ago that I am done with massage visits. For reasons, see original post. All is well still and haven't gone back since mid-December of last year. I wanted to share what helped me, in case anyone else is thinking of doing so. As I said before, it is purely a personal choice, and certainly not trying to make anyone feel worse, that would be very hypocritical. Each person has their own circumstances. Opinions always welcome, whether positive or negative.

Here are some things that helped. Funnily some are very similar to when I quit smoking 25 years ago.

1. Acknowledge that it is an addiction, which was probably the most difficult. It's funny how many "logical" reasons my brain comes up with to convince me otherwise. Was the same when trying to quit smoking. Anything would do as a reason to start again.
2. Use the cash saved for a hobby. Now here I am very lucky because I have many hobbies and a man cave full with interesting stuff. So I use some of the money to reward myself to add to my collections.
3. Similar to above, spend time on other things you like doing. Which in case of this winter is not the easiest thing since we're all stuck indoors but nevertheless, that works very well.
4. Go out and meet friends. I may not be a teenager but still enjoy going out. I make a point of at least 2 or 3 times per month to go out for dinner, or have drinks with friends. Specially if you are on your own, the worst thing is to try to survive the weekend by sitting on the couch. Staying busy is key.
5. Find someone you can talk to. I am again very privaleged to have a friend I can share personal problems with and just chatting makes it a lot easier.
6. Go on youtube and listen to the stories of Asian women in massage parlors, and the reasons why they are here. It helps me to keep motivated.
7. If you have family, spend more time with them.
8. Have normal sexual relations. Now that I go out more, I find that this is really not that big mountain I thought it would be. It takes more time and effort but just trying is actually fun. And no, age really doesn't matter that much. I have passed the 50 mark a while ago. And while maybe a dance club is a bit much, I find that many places in Toronto are perfectly accepting of someone who isn't in his 20s anymore.
9. Have something you can do when the urge comes up. In my case I go for a work out or go do some chores around the house. Don't replace massage with porn overload, try to avoid that as it does not help.

I know, it probably sounds a bit soppy, but it works for me.

First off.....congrats.
Sounds like the success from quitting smoking gave you the confidence and the blueprint.

A thoughtful honest post....
and YES
It is an addiction for most and in some cases an affliction. Financial, marital, etc

 

[Ambler]

Okay, I admit to being skeptical about most things Boeing related recently, but I have to say your post is not one them.

Thanks for sharing and being sincere here. And taking the time to check back in and share. Your post adds as much value as most reviews, and much more than the usual crap spread across this site.

I did a mini break, not exactly inspired by you, but certainly aware of your sentiments as posted earlier and I agree with most of what you post here now. I am down to once a week or so, from 2 or 3 times per week, with ladies I appreciate and make me feel appreciated. My time is valuable and I always tried to rationalize the hobby as providing more value for money versus the various other services I engage: lawyers, bookkeepers, accountants, tradesmen, etc. etc. But I was addicted, especially to the thrill of the unknown and novel, and yes to the temporary connection and sexual tension release. It becomes clearer when you step away.

Anyhow, glad to hear things are going well and your decision is one that you have found rewarding and liberating. Best of luck going forward, and thanks again for sharing.

 

[Lalallala]

Good on you man! I don't want to tag your username in case it notifies you. but I think even when hobbying, you should maintain your social connections and doing all those other things.

 

[kittyhound69]

Stop reading sex forums helps alot.

 

[boeing707]

Stop reading sex forums helps alot.

It's a good point. I didn't want to add it to my list initially because I don't want to offend. But reading the forum has the opposite effect on me and find it motivating. The best way I can describe it is, if you have quit smoking (which I did 25 years ago), and you walk past one of those glass cabins they have for smokers at airports, and see people puffing on cigarettes. It's a very motivating sight never to smoke again.

 

[imthedude]

Stop reading sex forums helps alot.

I dunno, being exposed to the critical mass of stupid reactionary incels on MP can probably have an inoculating effect.

 

[Ambler]

I dunno, being exposed to the critical mass of stupid reactionary incels on MP can probably have an inoculating effect.

Wow, truth in advertising, and biting, incisive commentary: YOU ARE THE DUDE! Abide!

 

[snoopdoggie]

As some may recall I posted a while ago that I am done with massage visits. For reasons, see original post. All is well still and haven't gone back since mid-December of last year. I wanted to share what helped me, in case anyone else is thinking of doing so. As I said before, it is purely a personal choice, and certainly not trying to make anyone feel worse, that would be very hypocritical. Each person has their own circumstances. Opinions always welcome, whether positive or negative.

Here are some things that helped. Funnily some are very similar to when I quit smoking 25 years ago.

1. Acknowledge that it is an addiction, which was probably the most difficult. It's funny how many "logical" reasons my brain comes up with to convince me otherwise. Was the same when trying to quit smoking. Anything would do as a reason to start again.
2. Use the cash saved for a hobby. Now here I am very lucky because I have many hobbies and a man cave full with interesting stuff. So I use some of the money to reward myself to add to my collections.
3. Similar to above, spend time on other things you like doing. Which in case of this winter is not the easiest thing since we're all stuck indoors but nevertheless, that works very well.
4. Go out and meet friends. I may not be a teenager but still enjoy going out. I make a point of at least 2 or 3 times per month to go out for dinner, or have drinks with friends. Specially if you are on your own, the worst thing is to try to survive the weekend by sitting on the couch. Staying busy is key.
5. Find someone you can talk to. I am again very privaleged to have a friend I can share personal problems with and just chatting makes it a lot easier.
6. Go on youtube and listen to the stories of Asian women in massage parlors, and the reasons why they are here. It helps me to keep motivated.
7. If you have family, spend more time with them.
8. Have normal sexual relations. Now that I go out more, I find that this is really not that big mountain I thought it would be. It takes more time and effort but just trying is actually fun. And no, age really doesn't matter that much. I have passed the 50 mark a while ago. And while maybe a dance club is a bit much, I find that many places in Toronto are perfectly accepting of someone who isn't in his 20s anymore.
9. Have something you can do when the urge comes up. In my case I go for a work out or go do some chores around the house. Don't replace massage with porn overload, try to avoid that as it does not help.

I know, it probably sounds a bit soppy, but it works for me.

How about investing the money that you would have spent, on a locked-in or non-redeemable GIC instead? You can't withdraw that money until the term is over. But it won't matter because you would have lost that money on a massage anyway. I wouldn't lock it in for more than a year though because you never know if interest rates will go up, and you don't want to get trapped into a low rate for very long. There are some smaller banks that allow you to invest in as little as 100 bucks. Perhaps you can invest in a tax free GIC if you still have contribution room. Just make sure your GIC is CDIC protected.

 

[Lalallala]

hmm well, this is pretty odd for me. I just read that kiki@grw wears glasses and the nerd chick interest in me got piqued right away. Alas, while I normally would have rushed up and saw the girl, i kind of felt.. uhh. meh about it. I don't know. not super motivated about it. Maybe the dopamine rush has worn off. Not sure how most of you guys stay interested for so long.. I've only really been into this hobby for the past.. perhaps 7 months. Lots of changes. I guess at the beginning there were these awesome gals I met right off the start. I think there was kiki@iu. then cici@em. and then i discovered annie spa, which at the time, was super close to where I was temporarily living. Zipping up to IU during my lunch break was easy and seeing the girls that were working at the end of last year was great. Like great massages and the service. Made me forget about my ex entirely. Honestly, it was great. It was great sharing the info and getting info on the girls back about where to go and who to see next. But I don't think I was meant for this for long. I'm definitely far too attached to my fav two since xmas and since I don't really see either of them any more (one on vacation and the other.. well.. not sure what the heck is going on with her).. chasing other girls to get the same high hasn't worked. There's pretty girls alright and it was fun but I don't leave feeling as good as I did when I finished seeing my fav two. Like not at all. And try as hard as I might (I think I hit a high of like 15 visits in a week in Feb), haven't quite felt the same. My previous favourite spa has brought on so much changes that I don't recognize anyone any more, and *all* the new girls I've seen have been disappointments. I guess it is their business model and if it is working for them, then good for them. It isn't working for me. Found a couple of other girls that, while are nice and all, just don't quite feel the same.

This RH enforcement action has turned things upside down but I don't think it would have made a difference in my interest. Having finalized the divorced and back on the dating scene, has made things interesting. But I'm not in a place in my life where I can settle down just yet so shy to commit. I guess I'm still a bit at a loss to where love, life and sex and stuff leads me. There's a couple of girls I still want to visit if for nothing else because I'm stubborn and like completing tasks I have set out. But beyond that, after that.. not sure what else to do.

Have you guys got to the point where you see a totally hot chick, totally nude, totally what you ever dreamed of, in front of you and just totally lost your boner? It has happened to me far too often recently. Not just semi girls but agency girls as well. So if you got into that situation, what did you do? How do you get out of the rut? I don't know if there's a post-divorce crash or not, or if I am ultimately just not happy visiting these spas.

At the moment, i'm trying to figure out how to get my ass back to Oakville to see Bin, but taking 3-4 hours out on a weekend is always tough. And then there's alice in mississauga. I still don't know if I want to see Michelle when she gets back from China. Like.. what's the point?

 

[Starbrand]

Congrats, I am considering a break myself so it is nice to hear how your story went

 

[Lalallala]

Congrats, I am considering a break myself so it is nice to hear how your story went

hahah. i don't know what the end looks like yet. at least the end to this subplot of my life.

 

[Ambler]

@Lalallala

I say this with all respect, as an observer here and maybe offering a perspective both similar but outside of your own.

Just seems you burned hot and fast Lala. From a total newbie to a multi visit per day, almost every day of the week guy. You have to be spending a couple grand a week, and in a year that would be more than your divorce payout. Thousands of posts here in a few months, dozens a day, on just about every thread. So not sure how to figure out your experience except saying it does seem all out of proportion. Like a 24/7 Smorgasbord or that guy in Meaning of Life who explodes from over indulgence.

Maybe you have an addictive personality and this hobby is just one of those things that got you hooked and acting obsessively. Not sure it is healthy spiritually, physically, emotionally or financially. Your body seems to be telling you something when you no longer respond to the stimulus you are seeking. Bilbo complained of feeling like a piece of bread with the butter spread too thin as a symptom of his unnatural longevity. Take a real break, you said you were going to do so not that long ago.

The whole hobby is based on illusion and lies, the ones they sell and the ones we buy. Are there moments that are real? Yes, few and far between, but the wider context is all performance and transactional. Don't let illusion become delusion, you seem to be lucid and active and living life not just watching it go by. Like Boeing said, seeing those smokers in those glass rooms in the airport can be like seeing the emperor's new clothes for what they really are, nothing.

Just a foolish comment I guess, but meant well.

 

[VinnyBulbarino]

I say this with all respect, as an observer here and maybe offering a perspective both similar but outside of your own.

Just seems you burned hot and fast Lala. From a total newbie to a multi visit per day, almost every day of the week guy. You have to be spending a couple grand a week, and in a year that would be more than your divorce payout. Thousands of posts here in a few months, dozens a day, on just about every thread. So not sure how to figure out your experience except saying it does seem all out of proportion. Like a 24/7 Smorgasbord or that guy in Meaning of Life who explodes from over indulgence.

Maybe you have an addictive personality and this hobby is just one of those things that got you hooked and acting obsessively. Not sure it is healthy spiritually, physically, emotionally or financially. Your body seems to be telling you something when you no longer respond to the stimulus you are seeking. Bilbo complained of feeling like a piece of bread with the butter spread too thin as a symptom of his unnatural longevity. Take a real break, you said you were going to do so not that long ago.

The whole hobby is based on illusion and lies, the ones they sell and the ones we buy. Are there moments that are real? Yes, few and far between, but the wider context is all performance and transactional. Don't let illusion become delusion, you seem to be lucid and active and living life not just watching it go by. Like Boeing said, seeing those smokers in those glass rooms in the airport can be like seeing the emperor's new clothes for what they really are, nothing.

Just a foolish comment I guess, but meant well.

Reading this comment, I feel like I need a nice cigar and a fine cognac. Well said my friend…

 

[boeing707]

After a couple of months, the financial incentive has paid of as I just replaced my old car this week with a new(ish) one.

 

[Ambler]

After a couple of months, the financial incentive has paid of as I just replaced my old car this week with a new(ish) one.

I thought you were going to say with a Gulfstream G700

 

[boeing707]

I thought you were going to say with a Gulfstream G700

Fractional ownership of a Cessna 172 would be nice, maybe one day.

 

[Ambler]

Fractional ownership of a Cessna 172 would be nice, maybe one day.

They really were short sighted with the decision regarding Buttonville. Miss the planes landing on the 407 every few years.

 

[boeing707]

They really were short sighted with the decision regarding Buttonville. Miss the planes landing on the 407 every few years.

Yes that was a nice place to fly into. Mind you Brampton is pretty good as well.

 

[Deleted member 134953]

hmm well, this is pretty odd for me. I just read that kiki@grw wears glasses and the nerd chick interest in me got piqued right away. Alas, while I normally would have rushed up and saw the girl, i kind of felt.. uhh. meh about it. I don't know. not super motivated about it. Maybe the dopamine rush has worn off. Not sure how most of you guys stay interested for so long.. I've only really been into this hobby for the past.. perhaps 7 months. Lots of changes. I guess at the beginning there were these awesome gals I met right off the start. I think there was kiki@iu. then cici@em. and then i discovered annie spa, which at the time, was super close to where I was temporarily living. Zipping up to IU during my lunch break was easy and seeing the girls that were working at the end of last year was great. Like great massages and the service. Made me forget about my ex entirely. Honestly, it was great. It was great sharing the info and getting info on the girls back about where to go and who to see next. But I don't think I was meant for this for long. I'm definitely far too attached to my fav two since xmas and since I don't really see either of them any more (one on vacation and the other.. well.. not sure what the heck is going on with her).. chasing other girls to get the same high hasn't worked. There's pretty girls alright and it was fun but I don't leave feeling as good as I did when I finished seeing my fav two. Like not at all. And try as hard as I might (I think I hit a high of like 15 visits in a week in Feb), haven't quite felt the same. My previous favourite spa has brought on so much changes that I don't recognize anyone any more, and *all* the new girls I've seen have been disappointments. I guess it is their business model and if it is working for them, then good for them. It isn't working for me. Found a couple of other girls that, while are nice and all, just don't quite feel the same.

This RH enforcement action has turned things upside down but I don't think it would have made a difference in my interest. Having finalized the divorced and back on the dating scene, has made things interesting. But I'm not in a place in my life where I can settle down just yet so shy to commit. I guess I'm still a bit at a loss to where love, life and sex and stuff leads me. There's a couple of girls I still want to visit if for nothing else because I'm stubborn and like completing tasks I have set out. But beyond that, after that.. not sure what else to do.

Have you guys got to the point where you see a totally hot chick, totally nude, totally what you ever dreamed of, in front of you and just totally lost your boner? It has happened to me far too often recently. Not just semi girls but agency girls as well. So if you got into that situation, what did you do? How do you get out of the rut? I don't know if there's a post-divorce crash or not, or if I am ultimately just not happy visiting these spas.

At the moment, i'm trying to figure out how to get my ass back to Oakville to see Bin, but taking 3-4 hours out on a weekend is always tough. And then there's alice in mississauga. I still don't know if I want to see Michelle when she gets back from China. Like.. what's the point?

hahah. i don't know what the end looks like yet. at least the end to this subplot of my life.

who is alice and would you recommend? I’m in Mississauga.