A Visit From St. Otis...At Relax Spa

[Fitzsy]

Damn dude, you knocked those ones out speedy quick. I may have to ask you to ghost write some shit for me next time Little Otis gets out of control and I get a backlog of reviews to write.

 

[keld2682]

Great stuff Otis!! Happy holidays and happy hunting!!!

 

[roaxmelm]

Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery!!!

Twas the night before Christmas and poor Clement Moore
Had his poem being copied by many a bore
His "Night Before Christmas" is perfect in rhyme
His rhythm and cadence are wonderfully fine.

But then come the wise guys, with Internet cool
Who use Clement's rhyme as sort of a tool
They pick up the style from this poem of "that night"
And they hitch up their sled to whatever's their plight.

Now I'm not even saying that there's something not right
By using Moore's poem to carry a fight.
I guess my complaint is not in their chore
But the number of times they steal from Clem Moore.

So I say to you all as I close down this gripe
"Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night!"



Here is another....



    'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were
packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"

 

[soo stoned]

Bravo - nice one king otis

 

[tweysulhiapiyxegl]

I don't usually give other dudes verbal high-fives but I must say that poem was hilarious! Well done sir! Keep up the great work.

 

[AUM]

West 36th - Just East of 8th Avenue
Sandwich board, south side of the street

 

[lovegalinavol]

Where is this place?

 

[Master Mister]

Fuckin hilarious yuletide adventure. bravo man.

 

[nonmisogynisticAL]

KingOtis the Red-Pricked Reign Dear
Had a very shiny Schwanz
Cuz all the lassies licked it
and not even one was blond!

All of those Trolls would read him
they would scoff and call him Schmuck!
They insisted he was shilling
Saying "You just want to make a buck!"

Then one soggy Xmas week
the King he had to play
So Yumi with her mouth so red
sucked him off for 1 whole day!

Then all the Trolls they loved him
and they snided out with glee,
"Otis the Red-Pricked Reign Dear
she'll go down in history!"

Ho Ho Ho!

 

[rjedikun]

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the city
The tourists were bustling for junk that looked pretty
But there on the sidestreets, the neon burned bright
Attracting the mongers with tempting red light

To spots where massage tables double as beds
With visions of Asian girls filling their heads.
And I, in my two tones, my hat and sunglasses,
In my ongoing search for accommodating lasses

On the outskirts of Ktown a rumor was breaking
Of good, cheap blowjobs, just there for the taking.
Crosstown to the spot, I took a quick walk,
For the feel of wet lips around my hard cock.

Down to West Thirty Sixth to a dive called "Relax"
To see if that rumor was based on real facts
I hustled upstairs and I knew I had found it
By the looks in the eyes of the MILFs all around it.

With papasan in glasses there doing the books
Communication reduced to a few knowing looks
I nodded and smiled - nothing had to be said
But I heard my own voice in the back of my head.

"Now Coco! Now, Lili! Now, Bebe and Lisa!
On, Mimi! On, Shi Shi! On Amy and Misa!
From the top of my spine to the tips of my toes
To the time when I flip and my cock grows and grows."

"Please, Linda! Yes, Cici! Oh Sara and Yuyu!
Go Mona! Oh Jenny! And Yoko and Su Su!
Rub every muscle with strong hands and fingers
Then turn down the lights when your touch softly lingers"

To a small curtained stall I was willingly brought
By a fortyish gal whose with the skills that I sought
A half hour massage soon gave way to the good part
When she asked me the question that warmed my cold heart.

As I flipped I could feel that my cock was ascending
She pantomimed options for my happy ending
Number one was a handjob, a forty buck price.
Next was a blowjob, which seemed twice as nice.

I chose option two for an 80 buck donation
And she got right to work without hesitation
What followed, the stuff of which legends are made
A blowjob of the highest professional grade

It took less than ten minutes to unleash my load
I was still in her mouth when I felt it explode.
I filled up her mouth, and she still didn't stop
This professional woman took in every drop.

Five minutes hence I returned to the rat race
With a skip in my step and a big smile on my face
I turned and I waved as I strode down the block
"Merry Christmas, and thank you for sucking my cock."


Relax Spa
212 630 9968

It has been one hell of a year, brothers, sisters, mothers and others, has it not? Consider this my Christmas gift to the whole Team Otis community.

Not the poem, the blowjob. The blowjob you'll get if you go to this place and ask for one.

Just so we're clear - this is your basic dump of place with curtains for walls. The ladies range from thirties to forties and aren't really attractive.

But they've got a more important quality - a willingness and ability to suck cock for tips.

Massage rates are the usual 30 / 40 / 50. The massages range from ok to pointless.

But so far I'm 3 for 3 on requests for blowjobs...well, one of them was sort of a miss...

First time - older, thick, unattractive lady named "Nancy" (actually, her name was McGill, and she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as...you know...) She finishes the massage and non-verbally asks if I want her hand or her mouth. I point to the mouth, she asks for 80 and I agree. She whips her outstanding C / D cups out and gets to work, delivering, no joke, one of the three of four best BBBJCIM's I have ever had. Just ridiculously professional, and here's the punchline - after she finishes I see her spit my load into a Kleenex and then - I shit you not - she picks up the spray bottle of alcohol and sprays it into her open mouth. I almost stood up and proposed marriage.

Second time - a thinner middle-aged lady named Jessica who offers a handjob and I say I'd prefer a blowjob. She asks for a hundred, I say 80 and she agrees but...she comes back with Saran wrap. Nope. I told her to just yank it instead. The handjob was...a handjob.

Third time - Karen - shapely lady with a plain face I will guess is in her early forties. Post flip, she goes to start the handjob and I ask if she can use her mouth instead. She hesitates - the papasan is there - and asks for a hundred. I'm weak and I agree. Then she asks if I have a condom. "No" I lie. I say I am not interested if there's a condom involved. She can just use her hand. Business wins out and she delivers a very good BBBJ and finishes with her hand.

Cheaper head can be had, but not as quickly, conveniently, or locally. Enjoy, lads, I know it has made my holiday shopping quite a bit more palatable this year.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.


Your friend and spiritual advisor, Otis.