Joke of the day

[Bo P]

Re: hahaha

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A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on a beach. After a while he is approached by three gorgeous women, who take pity on him.
The first one says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?"
"Why, no, can't say that I have," the man replies, shaking his head.
So she leans down and give him a hug.
The second woman says to him, "Have you ever been kissed?"
He shakes his head again. She kisses him.
Rather abrubtly, the third asks, "Have you ever been fucked?"
"No," says the man, his eyes lighting up.
"Well, you are now. The tide's coming in."

 

[Pompal 09.]

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[Toxic Witch]

A man goes to a psychologist and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful. Every evening, she goes to Manny’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her, and she’ll do whatever they want. I’m going crazy! What do you think I should do?”

“Relax,” says the doctor. “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Manny’s bar?”

 

[Kelso]

A woman walks into a bar and orders a whisky on the rocks. The bartender takes the glass and grabs a handful of ice. “Wait a minute,” says the woman. “I don’t know where those hands have been. Please use the tongs.”

The bartender gives her a funny look, but shrugs and obliges. A couple minutes later the woman notices that the bartender has a string hanging from the zipper of his pants. “Excuse me, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, but you have a string hanging from you zipper.”

“Yeah, that’s so when I go to the bathroom, I can just pull it out without having to touch anything,” says the bartender. “That way I don’t need to wash my hands.”

“That makes sense,” says the woman, and she continues to enjoy her drink. A few moments later, after having time to think, she adds, “I don’t mean to pry, but how do you get it back in?”

The bartender smiles and replies, “That’s what the tongs are for.”

:

 

[ann_svit]

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said, "He's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."